I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
