Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
