Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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