He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
