if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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