The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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