You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
