The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
