you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
