Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
