Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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