Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
