why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
