btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize