Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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