he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
