I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
