That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
