Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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