I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is the high leading the old right now
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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