At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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