I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had sex on a roof
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
