see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
