Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
