im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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