He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
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In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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