Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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