um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
