Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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