chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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