i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
