I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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