Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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