I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
