I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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