i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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