No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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