I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
