i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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