My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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