Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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