Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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