I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
