The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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