I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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