I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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