I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
