yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
