Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
