I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
