ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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