I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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