also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
