Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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