Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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