started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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