I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
