I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are two peas in an std pod
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
