conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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