I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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