i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
