I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
