i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How external is "for external use only"?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
