Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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