Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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