We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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