I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
